cleared misunderstandings make the whole situation seems a whole lot clearer.. clouds are cleared and suddenly it does seems so blurry and unsure anymore... =) somehow somewhere i can see the route again.. it's far but i know i'm heading there i think... ha..

back to piaing projects... till then...

rambled @ 10:43 AM

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fri is the big day.. 3 projects due that day.. wish me luck..

insecurities is settling in.. differences in what u see in two different situations triggers doubt... but yet the feeling is still the same in both situation... jus hoping more could be done.. more could be expressed.. more could be... falling into the vicious cycle of greed.. hoping and hoping for more and expecting expecting less or nothing frm giving... bad bad...

seriously cant imagine the change that will bound to befall on me.. can sense the change in me.. and i'm having doubts abt whether is this the me tt i know.. unleashing the me hidden within me all along or am i transforming into another me shaped by you? hope it's not the latter..

jus a random thought....

rambled @ 4:24 PM

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works been piling... and i seriously is to sianned by the pile to focus on completling them... bleh..

things that i miss:
- studying in the cockroach-infested container in nas
- vball training in nas
- mr wong kt
- doing endless maths papers in the study benches or in the container wif frens
- looking for miss alice chua to clarify the doubts
- cg breakfast
- marcus tan's talks
- 06's crappyness
- the remedials at mrs lim office
- the drop econs cliques
- the frens and team in tj vball
- thai trip wif the tj vball team
- meet ups with the siao zabos...
- being able to sleep late and wake up damn late the next day
- the guess promoting job tt allows me to earn my first salary
- the late night suppers after work wif frens
- accompanying my mum to the supermarket
- shopping wif my mum, aunt n grandma
- chilling out wif my cliques
- time for myself

suddenly felt like listing down the things tt i miss dearly... oww.... i really cant wait for exams to be over so it's easier to meet up... but hopefully my holi isnt going to be packed...

anyway, i'll be going away for a short trip ard my birthday... will be going to redang on cruise i think... frm april 19-21... a short break frm the exams b4 i get back to my books.. ha... my papers are on 12 april n 5 may.. veri long rite? ya i noe i shldnt complain cos i onli hav 2 papers unlike a lot of my frens who are having like at least 5 papers? but well.. i have endless of projects to rush during the sem do they? so yalor..

argh~ gotta go back to work le.. slacked too much liao... till then...



很难不去想太多
很难不去担心太多
很难不去陷入太深

rambled @ 5:02 PM

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signed and handed in the paper that decided my future on friday... i'll be majoring in product design... ha.. shocked jass and myself too.. ha... but i will stand firm on my decision... yeah.. so i'll work hard towards the goal of being a gd product designer... wish me luck as i embark on my journey to be one! hee... =)

lotsa of work to hand in next wk.. =( and most of them i haven really started... haiz.. wish me luck on this too... pray for me tt i'll get ample slp k?

met up wif kelly, jing n li n jass... it's always fun to meet up and chill it out and catch up together... too bad i got dental appointment today.. not cld hav joined them to tj's vball training today in the morning...

after dental went out to study wif fren... ha.. glad he asked me out to study... if not i'll be procastinating my work and not start them... so at least i hav the database somehow in construction le... but it's jus storyboarding... at least i get something done.. =P

3d project i'm gonna make a lamp... ha.. wish my luck on it.. haha...

p.s to anna n ally: non replyable messages are turning replyable messages.. ha... does tt mean i have mastered the art of turning non replyable replyable??? haha... =P

rambled @ 8:41 PM

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Your Love Element Is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner. For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience. You attract others with wit and a bit of flash. Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you. Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life. You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past. You connect best with: Earth Avoid: Fire You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other

Your #1 Match: ISFP

The Artist You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now). You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children. Simply put, you enjoy beauty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life. Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs. You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

Your #2 Match: INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #3 Match: ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

Your #4 Match: ISTP

The Mechanic You are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations. A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent. To outsiders you seem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable. You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people. You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete.

Your #5 Match: ESFP

The Performer You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others. A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic. You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally. You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic. You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal. You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language

How You Life Your Life

You tend to deprive yourself of things you crave, for your own good. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

Your Birthdate: April 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride. Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing. When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it. It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious. Your strength: Your warm heart Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions Your power color: Black Your power symbol: Musical note Your power month: February

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde

You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog. You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head. Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent. You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people. You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together. Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly. People crave your praise and complements.

rambled @ 8:22 PM

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was doing some research for my project and read this in one of the website i came across to.. veri meaningful i find... so decided to post it here.. hee..

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet pee ves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you.

You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individuals who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best of each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.

Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on their voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests.

Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless.

Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion.

" Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think." The grass withers, the flowers fades, but the word of God stands forever.
Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight? Always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary.

The difference between 'United' and 'Unt ied' is where you put the "i".

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

rambled @ 9:16 PM

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The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount. You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You don't really value honesty. You do value getting your way, no matter what. And if a little lying is required to do that, no problem. A few white lies never hurt anyone (at least, that's what you tell yourself!) Generosity: You value generosity a fair amount. You are all about giving, as long as there's some give and take. Supportive and kind, you don't mind helping out a friend in need. But you know when you've given too much. You have no problem saying "no"! Humility: You value humility highly. You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are. And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better. You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance a fair amount. You are open to new cultures, beliefs, and ideas. You have very few prejudices that you're aware of. And while you are tolerant, you do stand true to what you believe.

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You give completely and unconditionally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

rambled @ 8:56 PM

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gav jass a surprise birthday celebration.. it was fun and glad she was surprised.. haha... i was sooo afraid tt she suspected something when i kept asking her qstns.. ha... the photos taking, tok cok session and the trip to ah fang was unforgettable... really love the cliques man... lest the coughing would hav made the session much more enjoyable though.. ha..

i'm still sick.. sian.. but at least i'm recovering... yes... i can sense it.. lol... coughing arent tt frequent and bad liao... mayb jus at night it might get worse... but as long as i dun stay up tooo late it wun be tt bad... and i'm trying to slp early... and luckily my workload allows me to do tt too... hee..

and this wk has been a happy one for me.. seriously.. many things are happening... and i'm enjoying myself much much more than ever.. lol.. cos i' having more 'free' time now.. and i get to pamper myself at times too - the wkend shopping and bbq... exams are coming and i haven start studying for my WAH and my projects are due soon too... but i'm taking my pace slowly still.. =P jus let me enjoy the happy moments now... stressful stuffs jus let me be wilful and throw them aside first and bother about them later ba... =P

rambled @ 11:16 AM

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hmm.. haven been slping enuff this whole wk... and yes.. i'm still sick.. guess this is the longest time i'm sick? really bad... but the cough is on and off.. the fever is gone.. the flu is also on and off too.. but my voice has totally changed.. cant really talk continously for long too... no strength to talk.. voice veri weak.. and thoart veri dry too.... but i'm not seeing the doc.. dun like doctors.. unless i'm wan to take mc lah... might consider taking it though.. no mood for lessons leh... or i shld jus pon?? ha. =P

went shopping on fri.. so shuang.. haha.. didnt shop for clothes or shoes but shopped for books.. haha... went kino and like spent the whole time in orchard there?? haaha.. and i spent 80 plus on books.. hee.. got myself 4 books.. haha.. so shuang... lol.. then later was treated to sushi tei... nice nice.. but damn ex.. haha...

then next day which is yesterday pei my mum n grandma to bugis... then spent 100 over on lingerie.. haha... been spending like crazy lah... OMG... think that is the consequences of being cooped up in the shen shan (ntu) too long.. ha...

then had jcrc bbq... it was fun... lol.. less the coughs.. and vicky's house has super good view man.. lol.. hee... and later moive marathon at my hse.. haha.. we watched 2 shows.. then stopped at 630 for breakfast... haha... had prata at simpang bedok and kang quan kindly made the detour to drive me back before driving the rest home.. and then i slpt like a pig before my tuition at 2pm...

resting at home now.. ha... think this is my first time spending my sunday night at home ever since i enter uni.. ha.. it's so good to be at home slacking man... lol.. and i'm snowballing my work once again...

and gals.. i got SOMETHING to share...

rambled @ 9:25 PM

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feeling down all of a sudden...mayb it's the sickness or mayb it's the exhaustion... or mayb it's the stress... the workload... the environment... everything...

now at the stage of not wanting to slp although body wants to slp.. too seh to slp to think to do anything...

ideas dun flow to me and everything seems clique to me... brain dead and cells are dying fast..

and i'm not making any sense now either.. jus typing for the sake of typing and not slping...

sudden saddness engulfing...

rambled @ 4:48 AM

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haiz.. i'm sick after the event on sat.. sian.. feverish at night.. cldnt slp well.. kept waking up.. iritating.. but luckily after the night 'rest', was feeling better.. jus super tired.. and cos of my sickness and tiredness due to the fever, i didnt hav the energy to do any work... bad move... shld hav pushed myself harder to at least do sth....

results of not doing any work during the wkends? snowballed work during the wkdays.. and my recovering sickness got worse and now it had developed into sore thoart, cough and flu.. haiz.. didnt get to have enuff slp since mon.. since mon, i like onli able to slp like onli at 4 plus? haiz.. bad bad bad..

i'm seriously wondering when is the day that i will collapse due to exhaustion... but i also got to say its all due to bad time management too.. oh well... everything snowballed... and before u know it.. u are buried under the big pile of work... haiz..

i'm yearning for a big break.. a break where i can not do anything and jus relax myself, catch up wif frens, enjoy life itself.. possible? or it will jus be a dream that i can onli dream of?

exams coming and i haven start revising.. haiz.. although i know my papers are super far apart.. ( i onli hav 2 papers and they are at 12 april n 5 may) and i have plenty of time to study so to say, being a slow learner, i will need double or mayb triple the time ppl use to study to study my stuffs... haiz...

seriously i'm feeling more hardworking than i was last sem and the days during my jc.. ha... but it's still not enuff.. lol.. i'm still not doing enuff... bleh...

i whining in this entry.... pardon me.. haha.. being sick has tt privilege to be whiney and grumpy.. lol.. and yes, i'm sick.. =P

and i'm learning to reply non replyable messages... haha... mayb someone will want to teach TT person to type replyable messages? haha.. i feel tt there is sth going on.. BUT it's just subtly going on i guess... and where it is leading i seriously dun know.. everything is unpredictable and things may jus end up where we least expect... so not having any high hopes.. jus going wif the flow and heart... =P hopefully the next i see u gals, i hav more to share... haha.. (mayb by then i will hav master the art of replying non replyable messages.. haha.. )

where is my sunday??

rambled @ 7:24 PM

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scary... i need to choose my specialisation soon.. and i'm still fuzzy wif wat i want.. i'm scare of regrets... bleh..

did a self test today.. it's interesting and quite true.. ha.. the test is part of my fren's pscho module.. hee..

here's my results:

"The Loner"
Individuals with low Inclusion scores are most comfortable when they can move away from people or when people in general stay away from them. These scores do not mean that they cannot associate with others, but rather that they are highly selective with whom they association takes place. They are uncomfortable around most people and avoid them whenever possible.

"The Checker"
A male with a very low expressed Control score and a morderate or borderline wanted Control score is not dependent, but does have some doubts about his ablility to make decisions and to take on responsibility. Because he has such doubts, he needs othersto reassure him before he makes a decision. Hence, he checks with others to see what they think. He does not want to make a fool of himself and looks to others for reassurance about the correctness of his behaviour. The "Checker" seldom makes decisions completely on his own or goes against the opinion of others. If he is unable to "check" or otherwise obtain reassurance, anxiety results.
A woman with a very low expressed Control score and a morderate wanted Control score may or may not be a "Checker". As indicated above, wanted Control scores for a woman merely reflect the degree to which she is willing to tolerate Control from others rather than a measure of how much control she wants. If such is the case, the correct interpretation would be that she is a "Tolerant Rebel" rather than a "Checker". When her tolerance level is reached, she will then reveal her more basic "Rebel" orientation.

"Rebel"
When both Control scores are very low, these individuals not only avoid making decisions and taking on responsibility, but also are most comfortable when others di not attempt to control them. They do not tell other what to do, but by the same token they do not want others to tell them what to do. Their basic attitude is, " I will stay off your back, but you stay off mine."

"Warm Individual" or "Golden Mean"
Those with moderate Affection scores are capable of both giving and receiving affection without going to extremes. They neither make excessive demands on others for affection, nor tend to be overly cautious in expressing affection. They tend to be realistic and practical both in amount of affection desired, and the number of individuals from whom affection is sought. Although they want to be liked and prefer most people to be warm, they do not need or demand affection from everyone. As such, they are also better able to tolerate the presence of someone who is unaffectionate or even hostile toward them.

rambled @ 7:30 PM

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well.. another hectic wk.. haiz.. whenever can i enjoy the do nothing day???

had a birthday celebration for one of our blk cliques.. one big one wif all the hall ppl and one jus our cliques.. it's jus fun to be able to sit and chat and tok cok sing song wif ya frens.. =) shared lotsa 'updates' too.. hee.. =P

lotsa work undone and unfinished.. =( haiz.. some i really dunno how to go abt doing it lor.. bleh...

and sth happened today tt made me veri veri happy... hee... chatted on the phone wif mr wong~ hee.. miss him man.. wan to see his cute little baby too.. lol.. haven seen his baby lor.. and his baby already one yr old plus liao... chatted wif him on the phone and i as smiling brilliantly tt my frens tot i was toking to my bf or sth.. lol.. =P

did sth crazy on fri nite.. and to tink of it was funny.. lol.. embarrassed..
(* ^-^ *)

generally i'm happy wif some of the things tt are on going.. =D

rambled @ 1:56 AM

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had a bad dream last night.. also a a long slp last night too.. came back after my maths lect at 6pm and slpt all my way thru till the next morning at 8am.. ha. skipped my dinner.. =P but i was really tired.. mayb tt is why i had tt bad dream.. and it still kinda affect me.. =(

in my dream, i saw my dead grandpa while i was out in a outing wif my family.. but somehow onli i cld see him.. then he told me not to tell anyone abt his presence cos they wun be able to see him.. he here to like bring my great grandmother wif him.. at first it scared the hell out of me cos i tot it will be my grandmother.. but it was my great grandmother.. i'm closer to my grandmother so didnt want her to..

then he sadly told me to take care and kinda hint to me tt i will be next... cos i haven been taking care of myself well... so ya.. knew abt my impending death then...

scene change, suddenly i need to do a dance performance.. ( it muz be the up coming cultural night... ha.. but i not going to perform leh.. dunno why this dream of me performing..) then the perfromance didnt end well cos all of us wasnt prepared.. cldnt remembered our steps and trying to smoke out way thru.. and there were so many zilions of eyes watching us.. terrible...

remembered seeing myself crying for all those bad events.. then remember seeing my mum and granny, having a some chit chats wif them.. and inside me i wasnt feeling great cos of the tot of leaving them... then in my dream i was feeling depressed cos there is still so much i haven do yet but i know my end is coming... helplessness was engulfing me...

so basically it was a depression dream... and sometimes i wonder if it's a premonition for me... am i really gonna fall down hard this time round? haiz.. cos seriously i haven been taking gd care of myself ever since i hav entered uni... not tt i hav taken gd care of myself before i come uni but ever since uni has started for me, i seems to hav taken my health for granted and kinda torturing it....

all those late nights, all those consective trainings, all those irregular meals, all those can foods and instant noodles, all those styrofoams... gosh.. think i shld be glad that nothing serious has happened to me so far man...

but guess what hit me the most it the realisation tt i haven done things tt i wan to do and there are some things left unsaid or undone... regrets... haiz..

guess proscrasination will be one big evil thing i'm gonna get rid of.. ( well, i've been saying tt numerous times... seriously wonder if i'm ever going to get rid of it) and gonna be more organise and hardworking too... term is ending.. i wan my grades to improve... but frm the looks.. haiz.. doubt it will...

rambled @ 4:15 PM

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