hav u ever yearn for thing? and often not hav them? but wat if u cld hav ur wish granted and wala... there u hav it? how wld u feel? how wld u react? hmm... i dunno leh.. i'm hoping for something and in the midst of hoping, i know somehow it gives me joy for the imaginary space that i could built my fanstasy on.. although sometimes i will feel disappointed abt the truth for how far i am from my fastination.... but i noe generally i'm happy...

but wat if suddenly i'm given the chance of having wat i wan? how will i react? happy shock? surprised? seriously i dunno... but wat i'm fearng now is that... wat if i'm given wat i want.. but i didnt noe how to cherish wat i hav? or wat if i'm given wat i wan but i'm tooo shocked to react to it? ha.. know i'm thinking tooo much.. lol.. cos there is too many wat ifs now.. haha.. too hypothetical already... but tt is wat is flashing across my mind now... cos i know i'm those that tend to take things for granted which is bad bad bad... haiz..

why am i thinking abt all this thing? cos i got this hunch that i might be getting closer to wat i wan... but the prospects of me having tt frightened me... i'm not sure if i wld be ready to handle wat i want.. if i'm arent ready, i know i shldnt continue pursuing it... rite? hmm... mayb this hunch of mine is wrong and all i hav worry is jus unneccessary worries.. hmm..

but if the hnch is wrong, then think i will face another disapointment too.. it will then be the realisation that i'm still far frm it.. bleh... guess either ways i will still be worrying ba.. ha... mayb i'm jus a worry freak.. =P

rambled @ 1:39 PM

*****************************************************

hmm... woke up at 11 plus today... and finish one of my maths tutorial.. achievement... haha... and waking up early does helps in having more work done.. haha... =P but still think i enjoy slping better.. haha.. =P

always thought it is good to keep the comments to yaself so that it wun worsen the situation... but guess i was wrong? sometimes it's gd to intervene to help the situation... lesson learnt... but still... sometimes it's not whether we wan to intervene but it is how we shld go abt solving the problem... cos untactful intervention will make matters worse which is acty making the situation more ugly... sometimes i realy hope life is easy to comprehend like abc or 123... at least they are more straightforward...

sometimes i really wished i cld turn back time and remain in my teens.. at least days than were much much simpler and happier... but of cos.. the irony wld be that i wld be hoping to quickly be older and enjoy the 'freedon' of being older.. oh well... guess that is life ba... or shld i say humans... haha... always hoping and drooling wat isnt in ya hands... man... nv satisfied... haiz...

imagine in a land where man is always satisfied... guess life there will be veri much peaceful ba... but being easily satisfied wld also meant tt there wun be any improvement like advances in technology... ppl will jus live by each day as it is... hmm... wld tt kind of environment be really wat i wan??

think all i jus wan is a simple environment ba.. and wat's simple? hmm.. tt is relative too.. it changes as i grow older too.. lol... so tt meaning changes every passing seconds... ha...

been ages since i typed such a lengthy entry liao.. ha.. it doesnt mean i'm freer and more slack!! lol... jus getting more emotional as i aged.. haiz.. old already! lol.. =P

jus wanna say something before i end this entry... i love and treasure everyone of u that i call friends... and i really do! and u not hearin frm me doesnt mean i hav forgotten u... and i really hope to catch up wif all my long lost frens but i'm jus too lazy to org a gathering.. =P BUT BUT... feel free to call me if u need me.. =)

rambled @ 7:05 PM

*****************************************************

yeah.. finally got my ass out of my comfortable bed and chair and make my way down to the workshop and do my sculptures... hee.. not too bad had one all shaped out and another a quarter shaped... but still i way behind tt 8 sculptures requirement and haven do my drawings!! argh... and all these jus for one module onli.. i still have other modules work not done too! gosh.. and it's recess week!! arent i suppose to relax myself?

tml gonna hav tutorial bbq at my fren's place.. hee.. so fun.. looking forward to it liao.. cos it's enjoyment! haha.. then fri and sat got hall production.. hee.. looking forward to see the play.. went to dl and see last yr one.. interesting and funny.. but too bad cant really see the actors n actresses expressions clearly.. so it's more of a 'hearing' last yr play than 'seeing'.. hee....

and regarding yesterday incident.. guess tt is it liao.. dunno whether tt person will see this.. but whether tt person sees it or not it doesnt matter cos it's my blog i type wat i want.. =P hee... jus wanna say i'm was utter disappointed with u.. sweet talks doesnt work with me.. mayb it does for once or twice but not all the time... not saying anything all along doesnt mean i'm easy to bully.. mayb i was wrong to giv u tt false impression too... but ya.. mayb i'm easly to bully... bleh.. but there gotta be a line.. dun take things for granted.. jus hope the remaining work allocated to u will be done properly.. if not i really dunno wat to say.. i will jus feel really bad for putting gd words for u once in a long time ago..

rambled @ 5:40 PM

*****************************************************

finally the net is working and finally i remembered to blog.... guess i'm getting senile soon... boo... there seems to be sth wrong with my health.. ha... guess it's it way of protesting against me torturing it ba... oh well...

i'm was damn pissed off today... and almost lost my cool.. and i teared when i returned back to my room... was kinda glad for the msges tt came in during tt time tt help distracted me and helped cool me down..

sometimes it sets me thinking... why ppl keep asking me how's jcrc? jcrc is fun actually... the things i'm doing( tt why i choose to be in in the first place) the ppl i meet.. but frankly.. i hate the admin stuffs to be done... haha.. as usual for me ba... but i really enjoy painting banners... although it's alot... hee...it's fun leh.. hee... however my pt is why is almost everyone asking me how is jcrc and not how are my subcom? or is it because they fall in jcrc? so they are to be discuss as a whole? *ponders*

everyone has their own part to play.. but often we neglect our roles and quality check other ppl's roles... then often we being humans who always think so highly of ourself is picking up flaws of others... but do we ever realise that we not playing our own individual role well ourself is or might affect other ppl's role? and who are we to critise others when we are the one tt cause others to under perform their role? no doubt there will bound to be ppl that will underperform.. but when they underperform do we sit there and jeer at their poor performance or shld we be lending a helping hand to help tt particular person to perform their role well?? sometimes i jus dun understand why humans can be so self centered at times.. and i really hate myself for being self centered at times too... it's jus sooo me me me.. everyting is jus ME! gosh...

i jus feel like bursting out after today's incident... but jus dun hav the channel to burst out.. dun really know who shld i say it too... but i really really glad for your msg... but i doubt u will noe tt u had helped brighten my day with tt innocent msg of urs... jus wanna say i really appreciate tt msg of urs... if not i guess i wun hav broke down ba..

guess i shld go slp now... and after the slp, everything is gonna be fine.. (hopefully... lol... let's not think abt the tons of hw piling... lol...)

i miss blogging.. lol.. it really helps to relieve stress and hard feelings... hee...
and mayb one day it will help reveal my true feelings... haha... =X

rambled @ 2:55 AM

*****************************************************

Your Existing Situation
Conflict and dissatisfaction of one sort or another enforce the need for the compensations indicated by the + group.

Your Stress Sources
An existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory, but she feels unable to change it to bring about the sense of belonging which she needs. Unwilling to expose her vulnerability, she therefore continues to resist this state of affairs, but feels dependent on the attachment. This not only depresses her. but makes her irritable and impatient, producing considerable restlessness and the urge to get away from the situation, either actually or, at least, mentally. Ability to concentrate may suffer.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Very exacting in the standards she applies to her choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in her sex life.
Becomes distressed when her needs or desires are misunderstood and feels that she has no one to turn to or rely on. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense.

Your Desired Objective
Wants to establish herself and make an impact despite unfavorable circumstances and a general lack of appreciation.

Your Actual Problem
Anxiety and restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced stress. She tries to escape from these by denying their existence, concealing her dissatisfaction behind a proud but illusory claim to self-sufficiency and independence.

http://www.colorquiz.com/

rambled @ 7:14 PM

*****************************************************

think somehow been neglecting my blog ba... haiz... think i'm neglecting too much other stuffs in my life too... and i hate this feeling... bleahz...

having pms recently... been veri uptight.. been veri pms... been veri gouchy.. haiz... and i hate this feeling... seriously... it feels not me.. but sometimes it's the things i see that pisses me off... the feeling of being taken for granted is mounting... argh... mayb is my need for attention that make me feel this way... mayb... or it's you... nevertheless, i detest this feeling and wanna break free... boo!

suddenly all the negetives feelings are sprouting in me... suddenly... feeling grey now.. and somehow it's affecting the way i see things...

how 'true' are u to me? is all these smiles and words pretentious to gain sth frm me? do i really mean anything to u?
why am i doing all these things? is there anyone who will appreciate all that i've done? or these are just wat i'm suppose to do?
words... how true can they be? and who is there to judge the truth in it? is there truth in the first place?
irony in ourselves... we want this but often we act as though it doesnt matter... wat's wrong wif us? trying to be macho or jus plain cowards to fight for wat we want?

guess i noe another reason why i'm in this foul mood recently... i'm tired... but hey, is that another excuse to cover things up? bleahz~

rambled @ 6:50 PM

*****************************************************

it has been ages since i last type sth here liao.. haha.. most of the time is either too busy or dunno wat to type.. haha.. but most of the time is cos i'm too busy.. haiz.. but at least this sem is much much better than last sem.. but i'm still slping late... =(

cny haven been slack for me.. cos cant celebrate.. still mourning for my grandma.. so didnt go visiting.. onli went to my aunt's hse to have gathering.. then next day my relatives came over to my hse.. then next next day frens came over... then that night my bro book in.. and me too book in to my hostel.. haha... cos next day got lessons..

but it's good to slack during cny.. cos tt wat i've missing sooo sooo much.. haa... so tt 5 days break seems to past sooo sooo fast too... ha... hoping and waiting for another long break.. hee...

really miss u gals.. but too bad i cant make it for the gathering on sat... =( hope to see ya soon... btw i realise we haven been taking photos for a long long time...

rambled @ 6:02 PM

*****************************************************