Been walking on thin ice recently.. veri veri thin ice.. finally the ice broke.. serves me right right? Who ask me… know tt I’m in a dangerous position liao but I choose not to acknowledge the fact of my dangerous position… haiz…
Kana confronted.. finally… came home near 12.. cld have gotten home earlier one.. haiz… if I hadn’t got to the toilet…. Or if we had go straight to makan instead of shopping ard first.. or if I hadnt neglect the fact of my situation…..
Was abt to go home liao but went to toilet on the way to the bus stop… den meet roy n anges…. Den we talked abt wati n the things tt might surface tml n he’s teaching me how to handle them… den talked till 1145 lor..
Got home late… got a call frm my pa.. scolded, confronted… asked to quit by the end of CNY… I dun want to quit… happy working dere… not easy to find job too.. n I didn’t want to work wif my aunt too.. if wati’s gone.. I’ll be in charge of the counter.. if I go.. the counter will be in a mess… didn’t want tt to happen…
Pa didn’t like me staying out late… ask me to fid a job tt ends early so tt I get to go out after tt den wun be home late… den he aso complain even on my rest days I dun stay home but go out… but what do u wan me to do at home? Stay home do wat? Even if I come home early I wld be I front of the com… k.. sometimes in front of the tv… communicate? U dun talk to me… n I dun hav the habit of talking to u either… my ma I still got tell her wats happening in my life…. But I admit I dun spend as much time as I used to wif her lah…
I go out back home late… my fault.. not the job lor…. Dun ask me to quit…
I’m sad.. I’m guilty.. I’m lost…. What shld I do? What must I do? I dunno…. Sometimes I admire my frens.. they get to stay out late… I dun… I noe they are concern for me lah.. but I noe how to take care of myself….
I’m not gd at expressing myself… haiz.. didn’t say much to him… after he went back to his rm.. I had lotsa things to say… didn’t say them out… so here am I typing…
Am I too soft spoken? Roy told me if he had worked, wati wldnt hav survived till now… too easily bullied? Ha.. mayb… didn’t see thru her lies… felt silly….
Ha.. tinking back , I tink I sometimes am being pushed, ‘bullied’ by my frens… mayb cos I dun show my displease ba.. ha…
Ever since I started work.. haven been keeping in touch wif my frens as often… tt why I wld always gamely agree to their outings… at the cost of going home late of cos… opportunity cost? Ha… home nothing much to do anyway … so often I choose out lor…
So now mayb I shld be guai n stay home hur? No more after work outings.. no more off days outings.. after work home.. no work home… tt the way he wants? Fine… show me he can lah… ha hasn’t been a gd example too wat.. I noe I shld be learning frm a bad example lah.. but still my point is.. straight home after work n home on non working days is lifeless… dun tink I’ll be able to take it.. I’m not a loner… I not a soloist… I nid company…
Tis yr aren’t a gd yr for me lah.. work n home sucky.. den keep hearing ppl having probs…
Sunshine after rain? Where is my sunshine???????????????????????????????????????????
When is my sun coming out????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

rambled @ 1:30 AM

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